somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
