One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
