I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
