Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The uberlube is also flammable
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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