I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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