I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
