just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
