we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
