you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
