i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
