thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
