So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
being pregnant is like rehab
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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