i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
