just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
