Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My ass is underappreciated
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
