The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
