i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
