you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
