Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
So vagazzling was a success
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
