There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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