is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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