make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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