I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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