Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Alive.
So much puke
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
me + whiskey = a bad person
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
