..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
