Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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