quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
