I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
