Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
