peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
