i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
