this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
