you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
