please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
