If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
