but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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