I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize