he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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