do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I have post one night stand depression
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
