Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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