The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize