I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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