ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
