i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
PANTIES FOUND
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
