There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
