I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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