I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
