I'm so fucking centered right now
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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