If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize