Don't you send me to vm
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
