i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We are two peas in an std pod
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
