I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
