Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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