A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize