You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
