my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
