Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
