watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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