You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
