just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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