Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
did i walk over a car last night?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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