Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
