i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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