I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
