i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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