Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
