best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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