You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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